Few bands can make my hair stand on end like Muse. Everything resonates with me. I hear something.. a story that boosts my mood. I think that the piano-heavy aspect of their music is what pulls me in the most. I wonder what I am to do with this energy.. that is something that I consciously have to be better at directing towards my larger goals in life.

To be clear, all this chit chat and banter in the previous post about seeing through a break in the fog is related to watching the most recent documentary about Bill Nye.

It propelled me into a new understanding. Recognizing more and more that the clock is ticking.. not only for my own life.. but for that of the life of humanity. It is quite the motivator.. and it propelled me to dive into a book about time management.. followed by another book about Elon Musk… two books that have already started to have a profound effect on my life.

I look to the influences around me to help keep me motivated.. and I learned about how so many of the influences in my life were not advantageous to me.. literally, overnight I stopped playing video games, watching television and smoking weed (well, I stopped smoking over a month ago.. just a few days before watching the Bill Nye documentary.. I think.. I can’t really remember.. my brain is still a little foggy).

And I’m coming out of this whole thing with a renewed sense of purpose. I understand, respect and am completely grateful for my relationship with Mari. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today. We have been on this journey together… finding that bits and pieces of our personalities have melded into something bigger.. pushing me forward as I strive to help lift her up in her own career.. and propelling my own social media following and motivating me to take more chances.. to ask… to face more rejections and to stand up quicker after my failures.

This is still a freewrite.. but it is requiring less and less effort the more I type.. everything flows because once I get the ball rolling, there is an energy that fills in all the gaps.. finding the direction I wish to head is the most important part.. I still get distracted… and I’ve recently been enjoying watching Maruko Chan cartoons with Mari late at night…which has slowed down my sleeping hygiene development but given me a newfound respect for where a lot of Mari’s quirks and subtle personalities have evolved from (it’s a show that she used to watch as a kid and it is freaking hilarious.. and it is also an excellent way for me to pick up more Japanese along the way). Only a few words left to type until I hit my 500-word quota.. I must learn to expect more from myself and never settle..

I must never expect more from other people than I expect from myself..

this is something that I struggle with.. and it is something that I aim to remain conscious of.