Little hiccups… words and thoughts repeating doubt and remorse.. all based in fear.. all thoughts limited by my own limitless beliefs. Squares inside of circles.. and lines are drawn outside the book. The tap. The course we are on is only for the individual to travel.. we all have our own course.

Maybe something needs to be done. I say that again and again.. just as I repeat that we are not alone. We look up to the stars for answers.. forgetting that we are creators.. creators of the illest of intentions.. creators of peace and of war… but dwelling on anything attracts more of the things that you are dwelling on. We’ve covered this, yes? There is a level of spontaneity that comes from these experiments that I utterly enjoy despite the chaos that it creates in my own mind.

But often times, these words will sit unshared… and I am doomed to repeat myself because I speak alone.

That’s a large reason for me wanting to continue with this little journey between me and you. It is interesting to me and the goal is to find a few souls that feel like it resonates with them as well. That is my target demographic. There are words that are bubbling up because they now have a place to go.. and I have a small fear of rejection.. a decreased amount of time with each experiment that I play with…

I have to learn to get this right.. I have to learn to improve.. to be more effective in my communication.. to take risks where others might fold.. and to fold where my energy is not worthwhile.. recognizing the subtle difference torments me.. but that is just another excuse for why it would be easier to hang it all up.

We are in this ‘til the end and the end is not this loose thing that I am beckoning for.. it is just the opposite.. finding more and more reasons to thrive in this reality and encouraged by those before me.. the positive influences in my life that I choose to give more and more attention to.. I am rewarded for my discipline and punished when I divert… what are the right words here.. what is it that I am really trying to say.. coming up on 400 words and I want to bring this thing back full circle… hitting the backspace every now and then, a practice only recently implemented.. and it is something that doesn’t sit right in the moment, but I think that the larger picture will appreciate it.. if I am unable to communicate my story in an effective e way, I lose all hope of inspiring others to embrace their own fears, even if I am capable on embracing a few of my own along the way.

Eh, I’m finding myself feeling behind schedule today and it is translating into impatience with myself.. I just have to remember to breathe..

lol. I’ve said that before.