I wonder what will come out today.. in this moment I am alive.. in the next, I am thinking about the last moment. Caught in a self-imposed loop at times but learning to withdraw from the madness.. the same madness that, so often, connects us, albeit on a more superficial level of thought. We are here for so much more than a superficial connection. We are here for so much more than we often think. Why have we lost sight of this? Why have we forgotten to cherish these moments? To cherish all life? Have we never really been at that place? Because it feels like we have. It feels like we were once there and then we lost it. I wonder if that is the universe trying to remind me of the world that we perceive before we are born or the world we perceive after we die.

Fill this time with as much good as you can possibly handle.

Fill this time with the people you love. Fill this time with the things that make you never want to let go… because one day it will all be gone. When I think about how long this life is for most, I don’t dwell on this area… because I fear that as long as it is, when I am alive with friends and family, that it could never be long enough… I fear to let go of the memories.. the experiences that flash in my mind….

I don’t want to say goodbye to you.

I don’t want to have to let go someday of the love that I feel and know that I receive… even now, like a weak little liberal snowflake… I am welling up with sadness… lost in this moment because I am so fucking grateful for the love in my life… everything… this energy that surrounds us… permeating each and every object… spreading past time and space…

all energy is love …

and that is probably not the most scientific way of looking at things… but it is what makes me feel alive when I say it… it is what makes me want to embrace every second that much more.. it is what makes me want to surround myself with clocks to remind me that time is ticking away.. that time is limited. It is also what allows me to give the middle finger with pride and confidence to the assholes that seek to suck the life out of me… the energy that I have in finite supply. But, in the end, I love you, too. More often than not, the vampires of today don’t even recognize what they are doing… they are still stuck in the superficial connection.. because that is all they know right now. The only way that I can ever reach them, is by learning to reach myself first.. to be able to only entertain the supportive thoughts and energies in this life.. and maybe, just maybe, a few vampires will turn along the way. It’s scary. But its better than being a blood-sucking asshole.