I am just so afraid. I know that must be the case right now because I am so full of anger… anger over the silliest little things in my life… and I can let them control my emotions when I let them. It is not worth my time to entertain them and it is hurtful to the people that I love and care about that are around me. I am on this journey alone but there is now the need for me to walk it with you. I just don’t know how to get myself on a track where I fully embrace the love and the joy that life has to offer all the time.. maybe that is an unrealistic expectation..

or maybe I allow my slipups to drive me into a self-destructive loop that consumes my mind and derails my progress.

One thing is for sure, I must remind myself, time and time again, for forever long as it takes that I am not alone in this struggle.. even this exact struggle, I am not alone… my struggles are not my own… my struggles are not my own.. my struggles are… temporary… they teach me what it is I am truly searching for … I have to learn to be more sensitive to the subtle changes in the rythms of my mind.. I have to look deeper within myself.. and I have to look out at this amazing home.. the universe….

We are all in this together, and it is ok that I repeat myself now.. because this is something that I am trying to teach myself.. and it is something that I am trying to fully understand.. I have taken a few steps forward.. out into a void… I know that the ground is underneath me.. but all I see is blackness.. all I see is what … all I see is what I want… I have to learn to open up my mind to see the ultimate vision of the fully realized self… what that means to me…

breaking through the bullshit ego and the dramatic attention seeking distractions…

express love… show love.. be love… we are one in the same… we are looking for leaders.. when I have to strive to be the person I wish to attract into my life.. I have to learn to walk more upright… holding my head up a little higher (and be more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes)… small, subtle changes in my physiology giving way to a pre-determined course of action that is my ultimate vision… my own thoughts… and these thoughts are not unique to me… there are others that are on a similar path… I am not sure how many.. but those are the people that I must connect with more and more… to learn from them and to share my own breakthroughs simultaneously so that I am reinforced in the behavior that allows us to excel in combination… we are the puzzle pieces… we are the keys to the locks in our mind… accessing a limitless source of hope and fighting off the self-created demons when we push up against our own fears and rage through adversity.